Beware of "The Gay"!

As you're no doubt aware unless you've been out of it for the past couple weeks now, the world in general is staring right in the face of a pandemic--the swine flu.

But in the past week, there's been another pandemic brewing, one that could have equally disastrous implications...

It's called "the Gay."

Some people live in mortal fear of contracting it. Others caught it ages ago, but have been hiding the symptoms. And still others revel in their "sickness."

Now, before you get the wrong impression, I should probably warn you that I belong in the last category. Although I have not been out to anyone but a select few, I am no longer all that worried about who knows. At 40, there are a hell of a lot more important things I could be wasting my time and energy on other than having to justify my bedroom politics to people who will never accept it no matter what.

Enough of that, then. On to what really prompted this post.

In the past week, three major celebrities admitted that they are gay, and with the exception of one of them, we more or less figured that out years before they did:

Kelly McGillis--Now, honestly, who didn't see that coming at least a country mile away? I say it was Tom Cruise's fault. He and Prince have this thing with women that all but ruins them for any other man after they leave him.

Pink--She's the aforementioned exception. Supposedly she came out as bi in an interview back on 2006, and is just now getting around to denying it. What timing.

And finally, the newest celeb to catch "the gay": David Odgen Stiers, aka Maj. Charles Winchester from "MASH." He wins the Lily Tomlin "No-Duh" award for coming out. I mean, this is something I suspect everybody else more or less figured out a long time ago. But all the same, welcome.

With all the recent comings-out, I honestly wonder who's going to be next. My money's on John McCain. I mean, he plays every angle of an issue, and he's older than dirt, so coming out wouldn't hurt him. Besides, who'd want him?

I'm holding out for Abraham Benrubi to come out as at least bi. He's definitely very bear-friendly, and he at least knows about us . Hell, the guy who used to run his official website is a bear. So Abe, if you're out there...hint hint!